Confessions of a Habitually Frustrated Black Professional
Happy New Month.
These last few days, weeks, have exhausted me. I have gone through bouts of mood swings and anxiety like none other. I have sat in digital communities strategizing, consulting, laughing through pain, and I know for a fact I'm not alone. I watch my community on the front line while I still deal with anxiety of being in crowds because Covid-19 is still a thing. It's a wild card. But the feeling that sits with me the most upon this new week is my frequent disappointed as a Black professional.
In my current role I’ve sat in countless meetings when an anti-Black statement was said and nobody said anything. Not a single public verbal response. Sure, awkward faces were made. Post-meeting conversations were had with me or a text was sent saying "how bad" they felt in that moment, especially for me. How many times do I advocate for myself and my community without change before I get silent? How many times can I tolerate "well, did you...."? But along came Ahmaud, Breonna, and George. If I ever felt alone in my professional space, these recent murders only magnified it.
Being there for me looks like: sharing the deep, long, lovely, reflections that you have with me, publicly on your social media pages for your relatives and friends to see. I won't play phone mistress to your advocacy and condemnation.
Nothing was said when I as a Black woman posted on the day of news about George Floyd that I was fed up, angry, and upset. No message was sent to me. I had to speak up for myself again and then small side conversations were had. Do you know what was sent to me? Small requests that didn't hold a lot of weight but were "time sensitive" and "urgent". It was another instance in which my humanity as Black professional was not acknowledged. I, along with a slew of Black professionals, walk into work in group spaces feeling lonely day after day, but last week broke me. It did. And I haven't worked since that day.
What sucks even more is that my story was similar among so many in my network. We waited for influential brands, organizations that serve Black communities, and our leaders to say something, but it was silent. Well... silent until AFTER white America and other people of color decided that a wrongdoing had occurred and it was politically correct and socially acceptable to speak out. The blitz of statements started coming in around Thursday or Friday but it felt like a little too late (although, some brands have yet to make a statement at all).
Companies were so quick to respond to COVID in their crisis communications, where is that energy on police brutality?
Consumers don’t want a generic crisis response. They want a firm stance. This means not just being reactive; taking a stand on a values-related issue creates a clear point of difference, helping a brand distinguish itself from the competition, new research shows. ... it’s time to take a stand.
After the public statements (or in some cases, 24 hour graphics that were able to disappear) were made, I took a deeper look into the statements. Some organizations, educational institutions, and brands made their soliloquies without ever typing the word Black. Talk about a slap in the face. If you are going to speak up and say you support Black people, make it plain. The fluffy words and intentional skirting around saying the word "Black" can almost feel worse than not saying anything at all (to me).
There's really no more room for 'I don't know how to have the conversation'. You can't love me and my community quietly. We're being killed out loud.
While I take this week off to "rest" and "recover" as best as I can, I'll still be thinking of ways that I can play my part. It is not of me to complain without having a proposed solution / action behind it. And to be clear, I believe in the work that I do. But with love and stern recommendation, we must do better, especially for our Black professionals that are going through internal and external wars that some of you will never understand. This is nothing new. I'm glad to see some people waking up. But you cannot call me "friend" and you cannot call yourself an "ally" or "champion" without receipts that back it up. If there was ever a time to be accountable, it's now.
More to come.
